Little Johnny walks into an ice cream shop, orders six large ice cream cones, then sits down and eats them all, one after another. Another customer sees this, goes over to his table, and says “Hey kid! Don’t you know that eating ice cream like that is bad for your health?” “Yeah, well, my grandfather…
So the third grade teacher asks the class, “Can anyone give an example of a long compound sentence?” Mary stands up and says, “My mom gets up early every day and she brushes her hair, does her makeup, puts on her prettiest dress, nicest earrings, her highest heels; then she leaves the house to go…
A teacher asked her third grade class to name things that ended with “tor” that eat other things. The first little boy said, “Alligator.” “Very good James, that’s a big word.” The second boy said, “Predator.” “Yes, that’s another big word Alan. Very well done.” Little Johnny says, “Vibrator.” After nearly falling off her chair,…
A big game hunter goes on safari with his wife and his mother-in-law. One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone. Immediately, she awakens up her husband and they both set off to find the old woman. Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there’s the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocious…
A Soviet and an American are talking The American says, “I am able to March into DC, march into the oval office, and say. Mr Reagan, I don’t like how you’re running this country.” The Russian scoffs and says, “I can do the same, I can march into Moscow, go to the Kremlin, go to…
The actor returns home The actor had a way of embellishing everything he said with superfluous phases. When he returned to his house to meet with his wife, he was met by the maid, and asked, “Oh sweet lady, where perhaps can I find my best friend and severest critic?” “Well,” said the maid, “your…
A group of engineering students and their professor were given free airline tickets to go on a holiday… Once they boarded the plane, the captain announced that they would be flying on a plane that the students had built. Every one of the students panicked and left the plane, except for the professor. When the…
Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I’m still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife. We leave early Saturday morning (Feb 6th) from New York and will fly to Boston , where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend’s yacht. Then we’ll…
Two priests are out driving one day.. when they get pulled over by a police officer. The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver “Sorry to pull you over father, but we’re looking for a couple of child molesters” The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have…
Easy way to search your wife. A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said, “I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket.” “Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” The woman looked puzzled. “Why talk to me?” she asked. “Because every time I talk to a woman…