Daddy, what’s it like being drunk? A little girl goes up to her dad and asks “Daddy, what does it feel like being drunk?” “Well,” the father replies “You see those 2 telephone poles over there in the distance?” he says, pointing in the direction of the poles. “A drunk person would see 4 telephone…
the heads of Coors, Budweiser and Guinness go to lunch. So, the heads of Coors, Budweiser and Guinness are all sitting in a restaurant. When the waitress comes over she takes their drinks order first – ‘Ill have a silver bullet’ says the Coors guy – ‘Ill have the king of beers’ says the Budweiser…
Frank farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out. He goes and sits outside the class and can’t stop laughing. The principle walks by and sees him. He asks, “Frank, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?” “I farted in class and the teacher threw me out.” The…
“Silent farts that don’t stink…” An old woman visits the doctor for a routine check-up. “Doctor, I have constant gas, but the farts are always silent and they don’t stink!” The doctor prescribes her some pills and sends her on her way. Two weeks later she returns for a follow-up. “Doctor, I still have constant…
Female Scotties I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking. Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, “Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?” One of them angrily screeched, “It’s Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!” So I apologized and replied, “I am so sorry….
3 blondes are walking in the woods. 3 blonde girls are walking in the woods when they stumble across a set of tracks, the first girl having went to a zoo last week claims that the tracks are deer tracks, the second blonde laughs, “Caitlyn you dumb bitch those are bear tracks!” The third blonde…
Three completely wasted friends get into a taxi… The driver realizes how drunk they are and decides to mess with them. He starts the engine, immediately turns it off, and says, “Alright guys, we’re here.” The first guy pays him. The second guy even says, “Thanks!” The third guy suddenly slaps the driver hard across…
Damn You Autocorrect A year ago, drunk and lonely, I stumbled upon Reddit by mistake when I was looking for RedTube. A year later the difference is obvious; one is a site full of naked people with no self respect, moaning and saying or doing all sorts of degrading things just to get some attention….
An old Soviet joke.. An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called “Lenin in Poland.” When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Nadezhda Krupskaya (Lenin’s wife) naked in bed with Leon Trotsky. One guest asks, “But this…
A sniper rifle and an assault rifle meet eachother at a dance party They get along quite nicely and go out for a drink. The assault rifle falls in love with the sniper rifle, and decides to ask if the sniper rifle wants to be her boyfriend. However, the sniper rifle declines. Distraught, the assault…