A little boy walks in on his parents having sex. “Mommy, why are you on top of Daddy?” he says. The mom thinks fast and says “Well, your daddy has a big belly, so sometimes I get on top of him and try to flatten it out.” The boy says “well that will never work.”…
A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she…
A man on a business trip went out for breakfast When the waitress came to his booth, she asked “What can we get you?” The man paused and said “I’ll tell you what- I’d like the special, but I want my toast burned to a crisp, my bacon rubbery, my coffee weak and when you…
The phone bill was exceptionally high. Man called a family meeting to discuss the matter. Dad: “This is unacceptable, I don’t use the home phone, I use my work phone.” Mom: “Me too, I use my company phone. I hardly use the home phone.” Son: “I use my office mobile. I never use the home…
A rich guy visits a doctor for a little blue pill The doctor gives him a sample to try out. He tells him to take it now and by the time you get home it should be working. 20 minutes later the guy calls the doctor to tell him his wife isn’t home but the…
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign hanging over the bar which read: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50, Chicken Sandwich: $2.50, Hand Job: $10.00 Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men….
A group of engineering proffesors got in a plane… Before closing the doors, the flight attendants told them that the plane had been built by their own students. Scared, all of the teachers ran out of the plane, except one. The pilot came to him and asked him why he was so relaxed. The proffesor…
Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced… “My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!” “What makes you say that?” the bartender inquired. “Last week,” Bill explained, “I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have…
A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment… The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed. ​ “What’s that gong for?” the friend asks him. ​ “It’s not a gong,” the drunk replies. “It’s a talking clock.” ​ “How does it work?” ​ The guys picks…
A man is deciding between three women, which to be with. He tests them by giving them each $5000 to see what they each do with the money. The first woman got a complete spa treatment and makeover to make herself look good for the man. The second woman took her $5000 and bought the…