A woman places an ad looking for a man to be her lover The ad reads: “Looking for a man with 3 qualities: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed.” A few days later her doorbell rings. The man says, “Hi, I’m Dave. I have no arms so…
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do You determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “Well,” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.” “Oh,…
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director, “how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?” “Well,” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.” “Oh,…
David Beckham gets into a cab David Beckham gets in a taxi at Dublin airport. He notices the driver looks at him insistently in the rearview mirror. After 5 minutes the taxi driver asks “Ok. At least give me a hint” David Beckham sighs and says “I had a brilliant career at Manchester United, married…
Drunk taxi. 3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said,”We have reached your destination”. The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said “Thank you”. The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked…
A Blind Guy A blind guy visited his choir mistress at home and found her bathing. since he was blind, she let him in. After bathing, she came out naked with legs spread and shaving in front of him and tried to make a conversation by asking him, brother John, what brings you here? Is…
A family of three was having dinner one night Son: Ehem… I think it’s time we address the elephant in the room. Dad: Sure son; honey, I love your hair today. Son: No, Dad; can I be frank? Dad: Sure, Frank, would you like it to be legal or like a nickname? Son: Dad, we…
An OverweightTime Traveler goes to ancient rome An Overweight Time Traveler goes to ancient rome and realizes he wore historically incorrect clothes for the trip. Realizing his mistake he visits a toga shop to purchase new clothes. He looks around the shop and realizes they do not have togas big enough to fit him. He…
A little girl walks into a pet shop A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, “Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?” The shopkeeper bends down to her level, smiling, “Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby, or maybe…
A teacher asks her 2nd grade class… “Who’s a Trump fan?” Not wanting to look stupid for not knowing what that meant, they all raised their hands except for Johnny. “And why aren’t you a Trump fan?” she asked, used to Johnny always trying to be different. “Because I’m a Sanders fan” he replied. “And…