A tenant goes to his upstairs neighbour! He says: “I’m renovating my living room and since your flat is the same as mine, I’m wondering, how many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your living room?” Neighbour: “I bought 13 rolls!” After a week the tenant calls his neighbour: “Hey, I also bought 13…
“If you win the lottery, the first thing I want you to get me is a face lift and a boob job,” said my 49 year old girlfriend as I was checking my ticket. “Well, actually, the first thing I would buy is a reconditioned engine and a respray for my Mondeo,” I replied. “Why…
After a preacher died and went to heaven, he noticed a New York cab driver had been awarded a higher place than him “I don’t understand,” he complained to God. “I devoted my entire life to my congregation.” God explained to him, “Our policy here in heaven is to reward results. Now, was your congregation…
Husband asks Wife to make coffee Newlyweds wake up one morning on their honeymoon and the man suggests: “Darling, why don’t you brew us some coffee?” Wife looks confused, “But that’s your task, honey.” woman says “What? Why?”man asks. “It’s all over the Bible, dear.” woman replies “The Bible says nothing about who’s supposed to…
A Redneck is on his honeymoon…. As they step into the bedroom, she disrobes. He says, “First, woman, make me a drink”. She slips off her panties and says, “Only if you put these on”. He begrudgingly obliges and puts his feet through the holes of her lacy thong. At his thighs, the thong won’t…
One day, a boy comes home from school to find his mom waiting for him. “I just got a call from your teacher,” says the boy’s mother. “She says that she wants you to learn the difference between a man and a woman. Take off my dress.” So the boy takes off his mother’s dress….
So a man was thinking about what his wife said about pregnancy. His wife had just been arguing with him the child birth is more painful then getting hit in the balls. He politely thought about it from both angles and realized he was right all along. Because if a woman gives birth after about…
3 pregnant woman…. Three pregnant women are sitting around a table discussing their pregnancies. The first one says, “I eat so many dills, my baby is gonna love pickles.” The second woman says, “My baby is gonna love cheese, I eat swiss by the block!” The first two mothers stare at the third waiting for…
A man goes to his doctor and says “I think I’m pregnant”. “I was joking with my girlfriend and I pissed on her pregnancy test and it came back positive!” The doctor looked worried, “Well, unfortunately, when a man gets a positive on a birth control test, it might be a sign of prostate cancer.”…
I’m not having much luck with jobs lately. I wasn’t suited to be a tailor. The muffler factory was just exhausting. I couldn’t cut it as a barber. I didn’t have the patience to be a doctor. I wasn’t a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it. The…