Tonight I was walking home late when I see a woman in the shadows. “Twenty bucks,” she says. I’ve never been with a prostitute before, but decided what the hell. We are going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on us – it’s a policeman. “What’s going on…
A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw an elderly man walking past. She hasn’t had a customer in a while, so she calls out to him “Hey, would you like to have a fun time with me?” The old man said, “But I won’t be able to…” “Aww… give it a…
A girl visits her boyfriend on a Friday night Girl: Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Boy: Actually, it’s a banana. They were on sale. Girl: OK… is that another banana in your pocket, or are you happy to see me? Boy: It was a 2-for-1…
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were…
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.” “Very good, Suzie,” replied…
Legs Up Nina comes home after school and asks her mother “mommy, why do people go to heaven with their legs up?”. Mother responds: “I don’t think that’s true, Nina. Why do you think so?”. “Because I just walked past the neighbours house” Nina says “and the lady was screaming ‘Oh God, i’m coming’, so…
Three nuns die and go to heaven, but all must answer one question to get in. The first nun is asked, “Who was the first man on Earth?” She says, “Adam.” Lights flash and the pearly gates open. The second nun is asked, “Who was the first woman on Earth?” She says, “Eve.” Lights flash…
A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, “Can you make a sentence without using ‘E’?” “I doubt I can. It’s a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It’s as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing…
Blonde gets caught speeding. The cop is also a blonde. Cop: “Let me see your driver’s license.” Driver: “What’s that?” Cop: “A square thing with your picture on it.” Blonde fumbles through her purse, finds a mirror, sees herself in it, and hands it to the cop. Cop looks at it, hands it back and…
Old blonde joke. A husband comes home to find his beautiful blonde wife sitting at the kitchen table in tears. “What’s wrong, dear?” He asks Through her tears she says, “well, I’ve been trying to put this puzzle together all day and I just can’t seem to figure it out! It’s supposed to be a…