A man hires a blonde to paint his porch. He tells her that the brushes, paint, and ladders are in the garage. About 30 minutes later he hears a knock and answers the door. The blonde lets him know that she’s finished. “Wow” he says, “that was quick. Did you have enough paint?” “Yup, enough…
An old man goes to confession one morning. An old man goes to church one morning and heads into confession. Inside, he says to the priest, “Father, I’m 80 years old, a widower, with 11 grandchildren. Last night I met two beautiful flight attendants. They took me home and I made love to both of…
A new law Two guys walk into a bar and order lunch. “What brings you guys in today?” the bartender asks. “I guess you haven’t heard yet. The mayor passed a law yesterday to try to help out local restaurants during Covid-19. All adult males are required to go and eat lunch out with their…
On night a kid walks in, just as his parents are have sex. He runs out crying. Then next day, his mom goes to speak to him about it. “Did you see me last night on top of daddy, bouncing up and down?” The kid nodded. “You know daddy has a big belly, well I…
A raise The maid asked for a raise, and the wife was upset. She asked, “Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?” Helen: “There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you.” Wife: “Who said that?” Helen: “Your husband.” Wife: “Oh.” Helen: “The second reason is that…
The children were lined up in the cafeteria… The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, “Take only one. God is watching.” Moving further along…
Happy father’s day! 5 year old son after reading story of a king says to his mom: Son: Mom, I also want 3 wives… one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me Mom: And which one will put you to sleep Son: No mom, i will still sleep with you Mom’s eyes filled…
Am I Adopted? Alfie: Mummy, am I adopted? Mum: Heavens, no. Why would you ask such a thing? Alfie: we all did a DNA test in school today, & mine is different from yours AND daddy’s. Mum: DARRYL! come here. What’s all this about? (and she explains to hubby). Dad: Of course he’s not ours!…
A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, “I need a man, I need a man!” Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning….
A man is walking home late at night… …when he sees a woman in the shadows. “Twenty bucks,” she says. He’s never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell. They’re going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them… it’s a police officer. “What’s…