One of my personal favorites (Thanks Good Will Hunting) So I’m on a plane flying from New York to LA and the pilot gives his “now free to move about the cabin” message, only he forgets to turn off the mic, so the entire plane hears him when he turns to the copilot and says…
A farmer has to go to town. Unfortunately, he’s expecting the artificial insemination guy a little later that day. So he takes his not-too-bright wife to the barn and says, “See this nail? That means this is the right stall. This is the cow that we need inseminated.” And the farmer goes off to town….
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face His best man asks, “Why do you look so excited?” The groom replies, “I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me.” The bride…
GIVE THIS MAID A BELLS… A maid wanted a salary raise. Madam wanted 3 reasons why she wanted a raise. Maid: I can cook Better than you. Madam: Who told you that? Maid: Your husband told me. Madam: OK, second reason? Maid: I can iron better than you. Madam: Who told you that? Maid: Your…
An 88-year old man came to the hospital and said to the doctor, “Doctor, my 18 year old wife is pregnant with my child.” The doctor paused and said, “There was a master bear shooter in a village. He never missed a shot. But one day he was in a hurry, and took his umbrella…
Two older women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. . First Lady:Whats that? Second Lady: A condom. This way my cigarette doesnt get wet. First Lady: Where did…
Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible? Doctor : Let me tell you a story: “There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went…
An Arab student studying in Germany wrote a letter to his dad Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train. Your…
A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, “Master, why does my ability not improve? I’m always defeated.” And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers… “My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?” “Yes, my master, I have.” “And a waterfall, spilling mightly over…
A Soviet archeology team is in Egypt on an expedition. After some digging, they found a pyramid and a mummy inside it. Unfortunately, they can’t determine who the mummy is. They get in touch with the NKVD who arrive a few hours later in the form of three hulking men carrying briefcases. The NKVD goons…