A Mormon and an Irishman are on a plane. A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon…
The groom, waiting in the church for his bride, has a huge grin on his face… …”What is wrong with you”, asks the best man, “don’t you know your life is over?” “No it’s not”, says the groom, “Last night, I got the best blow job in the history of blow jobs, and I’m marrying…
Teacher asks her class “What expands ten times it’s size when excited?” Teacher asks her class “What expands ten times it’s size when excited?” Little Suzie jumps up from her chair and shouts “That’s dirty miss. I’m going to tell my father.” At this the teacher looks at little Suzie and says, the answer is…
“This term,” said the English teacher, “we will be studying ‘The Canterbury Tales’ ” “But,” she added, “to anticipate a question I get every year — this will not include *The Nun’s Priest’s Tale*” “Why not?” asked one of the pupils. The teacher’s features shaped themselves into an expression of sour disapproval. “Because,” she answered,…
A restaurant has a challenge: “We will give $500 to any customer whose order we can not fill” One day, a man sees this sign and decides to take them up on it. So when gets seated, he tells the waitress that he wants an elephant testicle on rye bread. She dutifully takes his order…
Mercedes for Sale @ $1 Someone put up this advertisement. No one believed it, but one old man responded and went to see the car. The Lady actually sold him a Mercedes, which had done just 12,000 kms, for $1. She handed him the papers and the Car keys. Deal done. As the old man…
4 men are in the hospital waiting room waiting for their babies The nurse walks in and tells the first man: “Congratulations you’re having twins.” The man responds: “That’s a crazy coincidence, i work for the Minnesota twins.” The nurse tells the second man: “Congratulations you’re having triplets.” The man responds: “That’s a crazy coincidence,…
A wake for my mother-in-law Two rural gentlemen were chatting. One says, “Say, I noticed a lot of cars at your house on Saturday night. Were you having a party or something?” “No,” responds the second man. “Tragically last week one of my mules kicked my mother in law in the head, and she died…
“What would you like?” asks the bartender. “What would I like?!” replies Bob. “A bigger house, more money and a more attractive wife!” “No, no!” says the bartender patiently. “I meant, what do you want?” “To win the lottery, for my mother-in-law to die and for my child to be born healthy!” “What’s it to…
Little Johnny is always being teased Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime — Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and…