Three Drunks Get into a Taxi Three drunks get into a taxi and tell the driver where to go. The driver has an idea of the address so he starts the engine, waits a few seconds and turns off the car. He says, “Alright guys we’re here!” The first drunk tips him £10 and gets…
A Priest And A Taxi Driver Arrive At The Pearly Gates St. Peter welcomes them and shows them to their homes. For the taxi driver, a beautiful villa looking over a gorgeous field of clouds. “Thank you,” the ecstatic taxi driver said. Anticipating an even bigger mansion, the priest was dismayed when they arrived at…
A wife took her husband to a strip club as a birthday treat. The doorman greeted them, “Hi Jim! How are you?” “How does he know you?” asked the wife. “Oh dear, I play football with him,” said Jim. Inside, the bartender asked, “Hello Jim! The usual?” Jim turned to his wife. “Before you say…
A man is praying in church. He looks up to heaven and says “God, could you answer a question for me?” “Of course, my son,” says God, “what would you like to know?” “God, what is a million years to you?” “Well,” says God, “a million years to me is as a second.” “Hmm,” says…
This guy, Bob, recently moved to a new ranch, when he heard a knock on the door He opens the door and the man at the door says: “Howdy and welcome to the neighbourhood. I’m Billy and I’m your neighbour from the ranch up the road.” “Well howdy.” says Bob. “Nice to make your acquaintence.”….
A blonde, brunette, and redhead mom go to a cafe…. They had each stolen their daughters purses to see what their girls did in their free time. The redhead mom opens her daughters purse first and finds a pack of cigarettes. “Oh my God, Debbie smokes! I am going to kill her!” The brunette mom…
A blind man visits Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. “Wow, this bed is big!” “Everything is bigger in Texas,” says the bellhop. The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge barstool and orders a beer. A mug is placed between his hands. “Wow these drinks…
The Lawyer’s dog A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, “Hey, if your dog stole a roast…
Italian Men Talk Two Italian men are having a loud conversation on a plane. One of them, with many gesticulations, tells his friend, “Emma come first, I come next, then two assa come together, I come again, two assa come together again, I come once again, pee pee twice, then I come one last time.”…
So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, “caution, I’m a maneater”. I walked up to the girl and timidly said, “excuse me, Miss… about your shirt” She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted; “Oh let me guess, you’re here to make a…