I was going through a messy divorce and getting screwed by my wife&’s lawyer when I found an old lamp. I rubbed it and a genie appeared. “Thank you for freeing me” he said. “In return I grant you 3 wishes” “Oh! this is great,” I said. “For my first one I wish I had…
A princess and her entourage are playing a truth-telling game. She asks a knight if he has fathered any children. He looks down and says, “Alas, my Lady, I have not.” The princess nods. “I believe it. You do not have the look of a man who could please his mistress. Your beard is a…
Two guys are playing golf… The women in front of them are really taking their time and are slowing the men up. So one man says to his friend, “I’m gonna go ask those ladies if we can play through.” He starts walking, but about halfway there, he turns around. When he gets back, his…
Three bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face. The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened… “Well, the first body is a Frenchman, who had a heart attack while making love to his mistress, hence…
Two guys were playing golf Two guys were playing golf, and they were annoyed because there were two women ahead of them playing very slowly. One of the guys decided to ask if they could play through. He walked over about halfway, they suddenly turned around very quickly and came back. “That was close,” he…
A pregnant woman and husband attend a pregnancy class together. The doctor is explaining to the class how to make pregnancy and delivery easier on the couples. He goes on to explain how it’s very beneficial to walk during the pregnancy, as it is good for exercise and such. The doctor explains to the husbands…
A 3 month pregnant woman falls into a deep coma… She awakens from her coma in the hospital around a year later. She quickly asks the doctor “how is my baby?” The doctor said “you had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are in the care of your brother who also named the…
Three couples check into a honeymoon hotel The grooms all meet up for a manly drink before bedtime and share their plans for the night to come. They decide on a code to use at breakfast to tell each other how they got on. They’ll each put one spoon of sugar in their coffee for…
A joke I received from my cousin this morning. 4 drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine, kept it started for 5 mins then turned it off again. He then told them”We have reached”. The 1st guy was too drunk.Without saying a word he…
A man sitting in the back of a taxi taps the driver on the shoulder to ask a question… The driver screams and loses control of the car causing it to veer off the road, narrowly missing a group of people and comes to a stop just before hitting a shop window. For a moment…