A little girl goes shopping with her dad After the shoe shop, and the cake shop, she goes into the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber’s chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, “Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your…
My Lesbian Neighbours Asked Me… My Lesbian neighbours Eva and Julia asked me to help them conceive a child recently. They said they wouldn’t mind if we did it the “old fashioned way” as they were pretty outgoing. For 3 months now we’ve been trying but I just don’t have the heart to tell them…
A blonde goes to work in tears. A blonde goes to work in tears. Her boss asks, “What’s wrong?” She says, “My mom died.” He told her to go home, but she said, “No, I’ll be fine.” Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, “What’s wrong?” She replies, “I just talked…
A mathematician is afraid of flying A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a terrorist attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. “The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low”, he reason, “and the probability of having two bombs on…
An airline pilot was talking to his copilot… … and he did not realize his arm was pressing the intercom button. “God am I hungover, you know what I could use right now? A coffee and a blowjob.” A flight attendant in the midsection started running to the cockpit to make the pilot aware of…
My missus is going to a fancy dress party tonight, she went out yesterday and hired a costume. She said to me this morning “Wait there, I’ll try it on and tell me what you think”? She came in,I looked at her and said “Wow, that’s a fabulous costume, you will easily win a prize…
A little help with your math A businessman is getting a 17% discount on an order worth $20,000.00, but can’t figure out the total in his head. He asks his secretary, “Betty, if I were to give you twenty thousand dollars with a 17% discount, how much would you take off?” She thinks for a…
During a quiet moment at a White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Tillerson. “I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!” “Wow, that’s impressive,” said Tillerson, “but, you do realize he…
A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walked into a bar. A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar. The nurse sits down and says, “I’ll have a shot of tequila!” The doctor sits next to her and says, “Give me a shot of whiskey!” The bartender turns to the anti-vaxxer, “and…
A feminist told me about the “Dwayne Johnson Rule.” The rule, as she explained it, was that in order to determine if a particular comment was appropriate to say to a woman, first ask yourself, ‘Would I be comfortable saying this to Dwayne Johnson?’ If not, don’t say it. I thought this sounded like a…