A Feminist Talked to me About the Dwayne Johnson Rule The rule, as she explained it, was that in order to determine if a particular comment was appropriate to say to a woman, first ask yourself, ‘Would I be comfortable saying this to Dwayne Johnson?’ If not, don’t say it. I thought this sounded like…
A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many glances from her, he said, “It’s golf balls.” The blonde continued to look at him for…
A little boy goes up to his pregnant mum, points at her fat belly and says, what’s that? She says… (a bit startled…) erm… that’s a baby your daddy gave me that… So the little boy walks off to find his dad with a confused look on his face… “daddy did you give mummy a…
My wife was dying. I was by her bedside. She said in a tired voice, “Theres something I must confess.” “Shhh” I said, “theres nothing to confess. Everythings alright.” “No I must die in peace. I had sex with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father.” “I know,” I whispered, “Thats…
The only joke I know. How does a cow introduce his wife…? He says, “meat patty”. I am very sorry. Edit: it makes sense that my only popular post is a dad joke. I’ve never received any awards before so thank you everyone, this is insane. Also, I understand everyone is upset about the cow…
The wife came back from buying her costume for a fancy dress party earlier. “Stay there baby” she said to me, “while I nip upstairs and put it on to show you.” She came back down, opened the living room door and stood before me. “Wow honey, that’s a winning costume you’ve got there.” I…
A man walks into a bar… and glances at the menu. * **Sandwiches, $2** * **Hand jobs, $5** He calls over to the waitress, a gorgeous young blonde woman who appeared to be in her mid-twenties. “Hey, hi there. Are you the one doing the hand jobs?” She smiles thinly, “Yes sir, I am.” “Well,…
An employee was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. “Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here and my Secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?”…
An English businessman is composing a letter to his competitor: *Regrettably, I cannot dictate to my secretary what I think of You, since she, after all, is a lady. Moreover, I don’t even have a right to think of You like that, since I, after all, am a Gentleman. However, I am certain that You…
I was leaving the office the other day when I found The CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. Listen, he said, this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me? Sure,…