A Soviet and an American are talking The American says, “I am able to March into DC, march into the oval office, and say. Mr Reagan, I don’t like how you’re running this country.” The Russian scoffs and says, “I can do the same, I can march into Moscow, go to the Kremlin, go to…
A big game hunter goes on safari with his wife and his mother-in-law. One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone. Immediately, she awakens up her husband and they both set off to find the old woman. Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there’s the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocious…
A teacher asked her third grade class to name things that ended with “tor” that eat other things. The first little boy said, “Alligator.” “Very good James, that’s a big word.” The second boy said, “Predator.” “Yes, that’s another big word Alan. Very well done.” Little Johnny says, “Vibrator.” After nearly falling off her chair,…
So the third grade teacher asks the class, “Can anyone give an example of a long compound sentence?” Mary stands up and says, “My mom gets up early every day and she brushes her hair, does her makeup, puts on her prettiest dress, nicest earrings, her highest heels; then she leaves the house to go…
Little Johnny walks into an ice cream shop, orders six large ice cream cones, then sits down and eats them all, one after another. Another customer sees this, goes over to his table, and says “Hey kid! Don’t you know that eating ice cream like that is bad for your health?” “Yeah, well, my grandfather…
A sniper rifle and an assault rifle meet eachother at a dance party They get along quite nicely and go out for a drink. The assault rifle falls in love with the sniper rifle, and decides to ask if the sniper rifle wants to be her boyfriend. However, the sniper rifle declines. Distraught, the assault…
A very drunk Paddy meets a prostitute up an alley… He asks, “how much for full sex?” “$50” she replies. “Ok” says Paddy and they get down to business. Next minute a policeman appears and shines his torch in their faces. “Whats going on here then?” he asks. “Nothing officer, I’m just having sex with…
A Frenchman sees a poster in front of a bakery: Croissant €1. Handjob €5 He enters the shop and sees a gorgeous young lady behind the counter. He then asks: “Mademoiselle, are you the one that delivers the handjobs?” Very shy, the girl looks down, blushes and replies with a giggle: “O-Oui monsieur, I am…
My wife shouted at me to go out and find her some tampons, quick! So, I sprinted to the car, paced down the street, rushed into the store, frantically looking down each aisle until I finally got to the tampons, hurried back to my car and raced home as fast as I could! I burst…
Man and his wife are trying to spice up their marriage So the husband comes home with a packet of flavoured condoms. He says to his wife; “We’ll play a game. I’ll turn the light off, I’ll put on the condom and you try and guess the flavour”. His wife goes down on him and…