A prostitute walks into a church… She asks one of the nuns where the priest is, and is shown to a dark room. She sits in the darkness until she hears the familiar voice of the priest ask, “What troubles you, my child?” The prostitute replies, “Sorry, Daddy, but I’ve been a naughty girl.” The…
My wife texted “I’m leaving you” And followed with “after lunch to go shopping with my sister.” I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. “I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me.” I texted her back “Remind your sister she said she would come over…
I dropped my knife and cut off a toe After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor comes in. Doctor: I have some good news and bad news. Me: Tell me the bad news first doc. Doctor: The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe. Me: No way. Whats the…
A kindergarten student told his teacher he’d found a cat… A kindergarten student told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead. “How do you know that the cat was dead?” she asked her student. “Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently. “You did WHAT?!?!?!” the…
Jimmy farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out. He sits outside the class and can’t stop laughing. The principle walks by and sees him. He asks, “Jimmy, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?” “I farted in class and the teacher threw me out.” The principle asks…
A waitress, on her last day, decides to walk to each of her tables and lift up her skirt to proudly proclaim, “Super Pussy!”. She continues to do this over and over to the horror of her customers, until she reaches a table which sat an elderly man. She approaches him and lifts up her…
Millionaire The teacher stood in front of the class. “Take a pencil and paper,” she said, “and write an essay with the title ‘If I Were a Millionaire.’” Every student in the class began to write furiously. Everyone but Philip, who leaned back in his seat with his arms folded. “What’s the matter,” the teacher…
“Mommy, how was I born?” Well, a few years ago, your daddy and I decided to plant a seed. Your dad put it in the ground and then I took care of it for a few months. With, time, the plant started growing more and more leaves until it grew into a big healthy plant….
That’s actually rude.. A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said: “Well it’s what Mommy calls me sometimes.” The…
A man kills a deer A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, “Well it’s what Mommy calls me…