The Chili lover A guy sits down in a restaurant and orders a bowl of chili. The waitress says, “Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl”. He looks over and sees that the guy’s finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, “Are you going to…
During the height of the Great Patriotic War, Stalin is listening to the updates his marshals give him on the situation on the fronts When the meeting is over, Zhukov is the first one to step out. “Mustachioed asshole” he mumbles as he slams the door. Stalin’s personal secretary, Poskrebyshev happens to hear Zhukov’s outburst….
After telling his wife he was working late at the office …a man took his secretary to a hotel room and had wild sex with her. But on his way home, he noticed a huge love bite on his neck and began to panic. What would he tell his wife? Walking in the door he…
It’s clean So I worked late last night, and when I left I detoured 2 blocks to buy a newspaper. While walking to my car,, a young lady was coming the other way and as we were passing, she said “You look a little lonely. Want some company?” Now this was no tenderloin district, so…
A man comes to the doctor and asks for a vasectomy. “What, a vasectomy, right now?” asks the doctor baffled. “Yes, i’m a bit in a hurry, my wife is waiting, we want to go shopping and to the movies afterwards and she found it a good idea to get a vasectomy first.” The doctor…
An atheist dies, and wakes up in an alternate heaven. Baffled and full of questions he is being shown around by God. “Why am I here? I am an atheist.” “That does not matter, all good people end up here.” As they pass by a gay couple kissing the atheist wonders “Isn’t that a sin?”…
A man takes his young son to the pharmacy with him… While there, the boy points to a display and asks “What are those, Daddy?” “Those are condoms, son, they help prevent babies from being born.” “But daddy,” says the boy,” that package says it has 3. Who would need that many?” “Well son, that’s…
Two Old Ladies go out for a smoke in the rain As they’re smoking, Old Lady 1 takes out a condom, cuts off the end, and puts it over her cigarette. Old Lady 2 looks at her and, realizing what a good idea it is, asks “hey where’d you get that.” “The Pharmacy, you can…
A bus driver was called into court for killing 24 children and 6 adults The judge asks the bus driver “why did you kill all those innocent people?” The bus driver, looking a little sad, says “I didn’t mean too, It was by mistake!” “How did it happen?” Asks the judge. “Well-” said the bus…