A housewife calls a handyman so that he can fix her closet door… She explains that every time the bus passes the closet door slides open. A bus passes and the door slides open, the handyman says: “You know what I better get in there to see whats going on.” He gets in the closet…
A Mormon and an Irishman were seated next to each other in First Class on a flight out of NYC. Once the plane was airborne and the seat-belt sign was turned off, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was brought to him right away and placed in front of him….
A radio announcement on a plane shortly after the takeoff… “Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard our aircraft. Today we’ll be flying at 35,000 feet with a maximum speed of 700 mph. The temperature outside the … OMG!!! WTF?!!! AHHH!!! That’s it!!!” There’s dead silence inside the cabin. After…
An old man is walking in Amsterdam and passes a hooker standing at her door. She says to him: “Hey Granddad, why don’t we give it a try?” He says: “No thank you. That is no longer possible for me.” It was a slow night, so the hooker says: “Oh, come on, what have we…
Why you shouldn’t be unfaithful. A guy notices a hot chick giving him the eye in the supermarket. ‘Do i know you?’ he asks. She says ‘Aren’t you the dad of one of my kids?’ He thinks back to the only time he’s ever been unfaithful & says ‘Were you the hooker I banged over…
Penguin blowjob I asked a prostitute for sex but she refused because I only had $5. She however offered me a penguin blowjob. I had no idea what it was but thought for $5, that was a pretty good deal. She took off my belt and lowered my trousers and underpants to my ankles and…
A man is walking home late at night. When he sees a woman in the shadows. “Twenty bucks,” she says. He’s never been with a prostitute before, but he decides what the hell. They are going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them— it’s a policeman. “What’s…
A teacher asks her class to come up with a sentence… …that contains the word “contagious.” Amy stands up and says “Last week my mummy had the flu. It was contagious.” “Very good,” says the teacher. “Anyone else?” Then Becky stands up and says “a long time ago the Bubonic Plague affected a lot of…
Little Johnny is playing in the yard when he gets a wood splinter in his hand… Little Johnny is playing in the yard when he gets a wood splinter in his hand. He runs to his teacher shouting “Cider, Cider, Cider!”. His teacher calms him down and ask why he needs cider. He says “I…
After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kind of strange. After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kind of strange. So she decides to do a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents. Wife: “Honey, I have something very serious…