Little Johnny is playing in the yard when he gets a wood splinter in his hand… Little Johnny is playing in the yard when he gets a wood splinter in his hand. He runs to his teacher shouting “Cider, Cider, Cider!”. His teacher calms him down and ask why he needs cider. He says “I…
After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kind of strange. After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kind of strange. So she decides to do a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents. Wife: “Honey, I have something very serious…
I’d been in a serious accident. Thursday night I gradually woke up stiff as a plank in hospital’s ICU, tubes up my nose & down my throat, wires monitoring every function & all around my head, hell of a pain over my left ear, and a gorgeous nurse hovering over me. It was obvious I’d…
Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan’s side. It even learned to dig for clams. One day, a man went to Juan’s house looking to hire him for a week. His wife…
I got a divorce for my birthday. When I woke up, my wife and kids forgot to wish me a happy birthday. I didn’t get any birthday cards or phone calls. When I went into work my secretary wished me happy birthday and I felt really special. We went out for a drink after work…
A gorgeous young brunette goes into the doctor’s office A gorgeous young brunette goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. “Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me”. “The brunette took her finger, pushed on her left wrist and screamed,then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more….
So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, “Caution, I’m a maneater”. I walked up to the girl and timidly said, “Excuse me, Miss…about your shirt.” She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted, “Oh let me guess, you’re here to make a comment…
A large man is seated in an airplane A large man is seated in an airplane, stuck between the arm rests, wiggling around furiously and looking uncomfortable in his seat. The flight attendant notices and approaches him, “Do you need help sir?” “Yea, I need a screwdriver!” “Right away, sir.” The flight attendant walks to…
A woman says to her blonde friend… “I have a riddle for you. How many pancakes could you eat on an empty stomach?” The blonde ponders for a moment. “I’d say maybe four.” “No, you could only eat one, because after that your stomach would no longer be empty!” “Ha, clever!” says the blonde. That…
What is the difference between girls aged:8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68? At 8 – You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 – You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 – You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to…