A man is taking a taxi to the airport … when he realized he left his passport at home and must go back to get it. He reaches through the partition and gently taps the driver on his shoulder to get his attention. The driver screams and losses control of the cab, jumping a curb,…
A warning to be careful about drunk driving.. Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing led to another and I had a few too many pints before progressing on to Tequila. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the car park…
Before graduating to full priests, the candidates had to undergo The cardinal test. To make sure that they would stick to the oath of celibacy, the graduating would be priests were all taken to a room and made to stand in a straight line and covered their eyes. The bishop tied a little Bell on…
Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage just for fun. His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally spoke, “Honey, I’ve just been thinking, now that we…
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. ‘Have you ever done anything of particular merit?’ St. Peter asked. ‘Well, I can think of one thing,’ the cowboy offered. ‘On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young…
There is this African-American kid that goes to school and notices that the teachers treat the white kids better than the kids of color. So he goes home and paints himself white and shows his dad. “Hey dad look im white!” His dad kicks his ass, and says “Alright go show your mother.” The kid…
A very drunk man in a bar orders another scotch. The bartender says, “You’re too drunk, Joe, go home. Joe says, “Fine, I’ll take my business elsewhere,” and walks out. A few minutes later he walks back in and says, “I’ll have a scotch.” The bartender says, “Joe, I told you. You’re too drunk. Go…
A duck walks into a store… He shouts at the proprietor, “Hey! Got any duck food?” The store proprietor answers, “No, we don’t.” The next day, the duck returns, and asks, “Hey! Got any duck food?” The store proprietor says, “I told you yesterday, we don’t have any duck food. Now please leave.” The next…
The woman says: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me.” The Doctor says: “I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your…
The night before the wedding The bride-to-be and her bridesmaids were giggling over tequila and strawberry daiquiris at the bachelorette party. The maid of honor started a game of truth or dare. “If your boyfriend were a soda, what would he be?” she slurred at the other bridesmaid. “7-Up, because he’s got seven inches and…