A cowboy walks into a bar… …and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?” “No”, he replies,”I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just…
Little Johnny comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all afternoon His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played football and then he proposed to his friend Emily. His parents think this is really sweet and they don’t want to make fun of Little Johnny so they ask…
A man went to the hospital to visit his mother-in-law, who was in serious condition. On the way back the wife, very worried, asks: “So, honey? How’s my mom doing?” He replies: “She looks great! She is in good health! She will still live for many years! Next week she will be released from the…
A man is walk on the beach, when he kicks a bottle. Poof, out pops a genie. The genie tells the man he will grant him three wishes, but whatever he wishes for, his mother in-law gets double. Understanding the rule, the mans first wish is a billion dollars. The genie says, “ this means…
A guy comes home from work and he is clearly upset. His wife looks concerned and asks him what’s wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything. Later, during dinner, he’s just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window. “Honey, what is it? I’ve never seen you like…
A Lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him and said, “Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.” A Lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him and said, “Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.” The art collector replied, “I’ve had an awful day;…
A picture worth millions A Lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him and said, “Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.” The art collector replied, “I’ve had an awful day; Let’s hear the good news first.” The lawyer said, “Well, I met with your wife today and she informed…
An old Soviet joke Stalin invited General Zhukov into his office for a conference, and yells at him for 2 hours regarding the war’s slow progress. ​ As Zhukov steps out of the office, he mutters under his breath, “that damn mustachioed son of bitch!” ​ Unfortunately, he is overheard by Stalin’s secretary, who immediately…
Quick thinking A guy tells his wife he has to work late, and takes his secretary to a hotel for some wild sex. On his way home, he notices a huge hickey on his neck and begins to panic. What would he tell his wife? Walking in the door he is greeted by his excited…
A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth…