A woman was telling her neighbour about the supermarket that had opened recently on the outskirts of town. “It’s very state of the art and designed to make shopping a natural and relaxing experience. It has an automatic water mister to keep all the fruit fresh. Just before it switches on, you hear the sound…
Two blondes are sitting at a bar… Two blondes are sitting at a bar, obviously celebrating something. They wave over the bartender, and tell him to pour two more shots. Once poured, the two blondes clink their glasses together and say “42! YEAH!! 42!”. “Bartender, another round!” Same thing happens on this shot. They clink…
A couple of counterfeiters made a mistake one time and ended up with a batch of $15 bills One of them says “We gotta get rid of these things. We’ll go to Florida. I know a little town there. They’re so dumb they won’t know a thing.” So off they go. Soon they arrive at…
Following the advice of his doctor, Mr. Johnson moved to Florida. When he arrived in his new Florida home, Mr. Johnson met his next door neighbour. His new neighbor was a man around his age, but he had a full head of hair and appeared to be very strong. “Hello,” Mr. Johnson said to his…
A farmer’s son joins reddit and finds the r/Jokes subreddit “Father, father!” he says to the farmer, “This subreddit is amazing! It’s full of so many good jokes, I wish I could be just as funny as all the redditors I’ve seen.” The farmer laughs at his son and tells him, “Son, if you really…
A priest is taking a cab home from church A priest is taking a cab home from church after a long day of services. It’s night and it’s raining heavily. Suddenly the taxi hits a pothole. The driver mutters under his breath “Fuck!” Seconds later, they hit another pothole and the driver says “Shit!” The…
First day on the job A taxi passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, goes up on the footpath, and stops centimeters from a shop window. For a second, everything goes quiet in the cab, then the driver…
A man is taking a taxi to the airport … when he realized he left his passport at home and must go back to get it. He reaches through the partition and gently taps the driver on his shoulder to get his attention. The driver screams and losses control of the cab, jumping a curb,…
A warning to be careful about drunk driving.. Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing led to another and I had a few too many pints before progressing on to Tequila. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the car park…
Before graduating to full priests, the candidates had to undergo The cardinal test. To make sure that they would stick to the oath of celibacy, the graduating would be priests were all taken to a room and made to stand in a straight line and covered their eyes. The bishop tied a little Bell on…