Everyday my 90 year old neighbour who has alzhiemers knocks on my door Everyday my 90 year old neighbour who has alzhiemers knocks on my door and asks me if I’ve seen his wife . And everyday I have to tell that 90 year old man his wife has been long dead . You know…
A man and woman, both married separately, had to share a room one night on a business trip. They feel weird at first, but they both fall asleep in their separate beds. After a few hours of sleeping, the man wakes the woman up and asks her, “Could you grab me another blanket from the…
A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says “Make me one with everything”. The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it. The Buddhist asks “Where’s my change?” and the vendor replies “change must come…
A couple of newlyweds on were on their honeymoon and moments before the passionate love making commenced, the wife says to the husband, “Please, be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” The husband was shocked and replied, “How’s this possible? You’ve been married *three* times before!” The wife responds, “Well, my first husband was a gynecologist…
A lady comes home from her doctor’s A lady comes home from her doctor’s appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, “Why are you so happy?” The wife says, “The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old.” “Oh yeah?” quipped her…
So my wife said “take off my shirt”. So I did as she said and took off her shirt. Then she said, “Take off my skirt.” I continued and took off her skirt. “Take off my shoes.” Once again, I did as she said and I took off her shoes. “Now my hose, bra, and…
A woman gets on a bus with her baby… A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “The driver just…
Three guys laugh at how silly their wives are Man number 1 says “My wife is so silly she bought a kitchen for £12,000 and she can’t even cook” Man number two who’s laughing says “you think that’s bad? My Wife paid £40,000 for a car and she can’t even drive” And the last man…
Counting CONDOMS A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display. Boy: “Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?” Dad: “Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights.” Boy: “So, why do they make packs of three?” Dad: “For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday…
A woman goes into a drugstore. “Do you sell XL condoms?” she asks the pharmacist. “Yes, of course, family planning is in aisle 5,” he replies. “Thanks,” she says, and walks over. About a half hour later the pharmacist is stocking shelves and sees the woman still standing in aisle 5. “Did you find the…