Man: My girlfriend is pregnant, but I always wear a condom. How did this happen? Doctor: Let me tell you a story; a hunter carried his gun with him everywhere he went. One day, he mistakenly grabbed his umbrella and went out. A lion attacked him and hoping to scare it off he pointed the…
4 men are in the hospital waiting room waiting for their babies The nurse walks in and tells the first man: “Congratulations you’re having twins.” The man responds: “That’s a crazy coincidence, i work for the Minnesota twins.” The nurse tells the second man: “Congratulations you’re having triplets.” The man responds: “That’s a crazy coincidence,…
A guy in a diner orders a glass of sweet tea. A guy in a diner orders a glass of sweet tea. “No ice,” he tells the waitress. “I’d like it room temperature.” A few minutes later the waitress brings the guy his tea. He takes a sip and burns his mouth. “What the hell!”…
Smart waitress A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you…
A priest drives up to the repair joint and says to the mechanic, “Hey, I brought this car in last week, and ever since it’s been leaking oil all over my garage.” The mechanic says, “I’m terribly sorry, Father. Come back in an hour and we’ll have it fixed right up for you.” An hour…
Bad Math Grade A little boy comes home from school and tells his father, “I got an F in math today.” His father replies, “What happened?” The boy says, “Well, my teacher asked me, ‘What’s 3 times 2’, and I said 6.’” The father replies, “Well, that’s correct.” The boy says, “I know. Then she…
Worms Four earthworms are placed in four separate test tubes: 1st in beer 2nd in wine 3rd in whiskey 4th in mineral water The next day, the teacher shows the results: The 1st worm in beer, dead. The 2nd in wine, dead. The 3rd in whiskey, dead. The 4th in mineral water, alive and healthy….
An Irishman and a Mormon are on a plane. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely raped by…
A plane emergency landed in the water, no one is willing to go on the life boat The flight attendant then asks the captain what to do. The captain replied, Tell the Americans that it is an “adventure” Tell the English that it is a “honour” Tell the French that it is “romantic” Tell the…
An Irishman and a Mormon are seated next to each other on a plane… The flight attendant asks if they’d like anything to drink. The Irishman says “I’ll have a double shot of Jameson, and one for my new friend here.” “No no no,” says the Mormon. “I would rather be sodomized by a dozen…