A bloke notices a gorgeous bird giving him the eye in the supermarket. “Do I know you?” he asks. She says, “Aren’t you the dad of one of my kids?” He thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful and says, “Were you the hooker I fucked over the pool table at…
A woman gets on a bus and the bus driver exclaims “that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” Angry as she’s ever been, she storms to the back of the bus and sits next to a man who is reading the newspaper. He noticed the woman was visibly upset and asks her what’s wrong. She…
A small town doctor was renowned for his accuracy on predicting the sex of a child early in the pregnancy When he was retiring, they asked him how he always got it right. He laughed and said, “I would tell the mother my prediction, and then immediately write down the opposite sex in my notes.”…
Englishman, irishman and a scot are convinced their wives are having affairs. Englishman says; “my wife must be having an affair with mechanic. When I came home I saw his overalls under our bed.” Scot says; “my wife is having an affair with a musician. I saw a guitar under our bed.” Irish man says;…
Please be careful when selecting a tattoo parlor! One of my friends ended up in hospital while studying abroad in Barcelona. First time away from home, pretty sheltered upbringing, so he went a bit overboard. Got real drunk one night and decided to get a tattoo. Fast forward to a few days later and he’s…
An old man was sitting on a bench… When a teenage skater punk sat down next to him. The kid has tattoos and piercings and a Mohawk dyed a half a dozen different colors. He notices the old man won’t stop staring at him so says to him “What, you’ve never done anything fun in…
A tattooed guy, a hot blonde and a pale looking guys have a chat The tattooed guy brags: “I have the best job, I’m a musician. Each day I have sex at least twice!” The hot blonde responds: “Well, I’m a prostitute. It’s literally my job. I have one customer per hour!” Finally the pale…
So I was at the bar the other day… …and suddenly, I feel a large slap on my ass. Turning around, I spot the ugliest woman imaginable; she was large, heavily tattooed, and caked with metric tonnes of makeup. She said to me, “Hey there, guy. I saw you over there and thought you should…
3 drunk guys entered a taxi, The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started engine and turned it off again. Then said, “We have reached your destination”. The 1st guy gave him money and the 2nd guy said “Thank you” The 3rd slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd…
A boob, a vagina and an asshole walk into a bar… A boob, a vagina and an asshole walk into a bar and they start debating on who is the greatest of the three of them! Boob – “I give milk to new born babies and I’m attractive to the opposite sex, that’s why I…