My wife found me in the kitchen in the middle of the night, naked, with a pot on my head and a gun in my hand… “What the hell are you doing?” she screamed, shocked at my appearance. “Quiet woman! I’m hunting decepticons!” I whispered back harshly. She put her hands on her hips. “You’ve…
A mathematician And an engineer decided to take part in an experiment. They were both put in a room and at the other end was a naked woman on a bed. The experimenter said that every 30 seconds they could travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician stormed off, calling it…
Winning the lottery “If you win the lottery, the first thing I want you to get me is a face lift and a boob job,” said my 49 year old girlfriend as I was checking my ticket. “Well, actually, the first thing I would buy is a reconditioned engine and a respray for my Mondeo,”…
A cheap zoo lost its gorilla and instead of paying for one they hired a guy in a gorilla costume to act like a gorilla. When the people came to see him he pounded his chest and moved like a gorilla. Right under him was a lions cage. While he was running around chanting like…
On his deathbed, an old Jew says to his wife….. “Oh, Sarah, when the shop burned down you were right beside me.” The wife nodded dutifully, “I was, Moshe” He labored a bit and then said, “When the Nazis drove us out of our beloved Deutschland you were beside me again.” The wife tearfully said,…
My neighbour owes me £500 and he won’t pay up……….. A man went to his lawyer and told him, ‘My neighbour owes me £500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?’ ‘Do you have any proof he owes you the money?’ asked the lawyer. ‘Nope,’ replied the man. ‘OK, then write him a…
My neighbour owes me £500 and he won’t pay up… A man went to his lawyer and told him, ‘My neighbour owes me £500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?’ ‘Do you have any proof he owes you the money?’ asked the lawyer. ‘Nope,’ replied the man. ‘OK, then write him a…
I encountered a milf at a bar last night although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time then, she asked me flirtatiously “have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?” I said, “Nope, not yet”. She drank a little more,…
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he…
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer interviewing her asks her a few questions. What’s 2+2? She replied, “4” What’s the square root of 100? She answered, “10” Good, now who killed Abraham Lincoln? Puzzled she responds, “hmmm, I don’t know” Officer tells her to go home and think…