Three friends are fishing when a crocodile comes ashore and grants them three wishes… The first friend says “I wish I could catch a huge marlin” The crocodile swims away for a moment, then comes back. The friend then pulls in a massive marlin. “Amazing!” Says the second friend “Well you know what? I wish…
A Chinese guy and a Jewish guy are drinking at the bar… The Jewish guy turns to the Chinese guy and says, “Fu*k you and your people, for bombing Pearl Harbor!” The Chinese guy is like, “WTF?! That wasn’t us. That was the Japanese!” The Jewish guy: “Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese… you’re all the same.” After…
Housemaid demands a raise from the lady of the house Lady: So, what do you have in mind? Maid: I would like to have a ferrari, no? Lady: Why in the 7 hells do you think you deserve that?!? Maid: See, I cook way better than you Lady: Says who? Maid: Your husband! Also I…
A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.” the husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out…
A woman goes to buy a parrot and notices the prices are $100, $200, and $15. Curious, she asks why the last one is so cheap. The shopkeeper replies, “That one used to live in a brothel.” Amused, she decides to buy it for $15. When she brings the parrot home, it immediately says, “Well,…
A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap? A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap? “Because he used to live in a brothel” says…
A young boy went to church with his mother Midway through the service, the boy loudly said “Mama, I have to pee!” After taking him to the bathroom, his mother said “It’s rude to say ‘pee’ in public like this. Next time in church, just say you have to ‘whisper.’” The next week, the boy…
Little Suzie walks in on her parents having sex. She’s told to wait downstairs. Her mother comes down first and tries to console her. Mommy, what were you doing to daddy? Well sweetheart, you know how your father’s a little overweight? Every day I bounce up and down on top of him to let some…
“I know where babies come from.” After coming home from school and sitting down on the couch, young Jenny proudly proclaimed “Mommy, I know where babies come from!” Imagining storks and unicorns, her Mom said “OK, then why don’t you tell me Honey.” Jenny says “The Mommy and Daddy take off their clothes and start…
Murphy was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the dark shadows. “Twenty Euros,” she whispers. Murphy had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the hell, it’s only twenty Euros. So they hid in the bushes. They’re going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a…