A plane is about to crash… An airplane has a tragic engine malfunction and they captain tells everyone to brace themselves because they are going to crash in the middle of the desert. A female flight attendant decides she wants to die feeling like a woman. She stands up and removes all her clothes. Naked,…
Drinks! A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London. After the plane was airborne drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely raped…
A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat.. Before he can order a beer, the bowl of pretzels in front of him says “Hey, you’re a handsome fellow.” The man tries to ignore the bowl of pretzels, and orders a fine Pilsner beer. The bowl of pretzels then says “Ooooh, a pilsner, great…
A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people. He’s wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering “Turkish got 3 problems.” Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say “Hey, yopu know what you’re wearing is insulting?” The russian responds: “This is your first problem: You’re so easily offended.” The Turkish respond: “Okay,…
A Texan farmer went on a vacation to Australia! A Texas farmer went on vacation to Australia. He met up with an Australian farmer who prouldly showed off his wheat field. “That’s nothing” said the Texan. “Back home, we have wheat fields that are twice as large as this.” Next the Australian pointed out his…
Two Irish men were at a bar Guy 1: I hear yeh accent, which part of Ireland yeh from? Guy 2: Dublin Guy 1: oh wow me too! Where in Dublin? Guy 2: Ballyfermot Guy 1: No way! I’m from Ballyfermot too! Which school in Ballyfermot were yeh at? Guy 2: St Mary’s of the…
A guy walks into a cafe and asks for a bowl of chili. The waitress says, “The guy next to you got the last bowl.” He looks over and sees that the guy’s bowl of chili is full. He says, “If you’re not going to eat that, mind if I take it?” The other guys…
A woman goes into a restaurant with 15 kids. The kids start goofing around while she’s talking to the waitress. The mom gets impatient and yells, “Eddy! Stop that! Or else!” All 15 boys suddenly sit down, obedient and quiet. The waitress asks, **”Did you really name all 15 of your boys Eddy?”** “Yup,” says…
Inflation One night, a 5-year old heard noises coming from his parents’ bedroom, so the curious boy went to have a look. Next morning he asked his mother, “Mommy, why were you jumping up and down on Daddy’s tummy last night?” “Oh, I like to jump on Daddy’s tummy so it doesn’t get too big,…
A wife comes home late one night She quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband’s two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to have…