A little girl wakes up and is hungry. Her mom normally makes her breakfast, but she is in the shower The girl tells her dad she is really hungry. Dad makes her toast with butter, and squirts some honey on top The girl hasn’t had that before, and she really likes it. She says “Daddy,…
Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sex….. his father sees him, but instead of saying anything, he gives Johnny a huge grin and thumbs up, then starts to really give it to the old lady. The next night, the father gets up to go to the restroom, and he hears noises coming from…
A kid is playing a video game in his room when his mom walks in and says, “Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!” Without taking his eyes off the screen the kid says, “I’m right in the middle of this game; tell him to come in here!” A minute later her boyfriend walks in and…
Congress gets kidnapped A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, “What’s going on?” “Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they’re asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise,…
i went to the liquor store on my bike. i went to the liquor store on my bike and bought a bottle vodka and put it in the basket on the front…then it occoured to me that if i fall or something happens then the bottle might break. so i drank it all right there…
Woman at the pharmacy A woman goes into a pharmacy. She says to the pharmacist, “I’d like a poison that will kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes.” The pharmacist says, “Ma’am, not only can I not do that for you, I’m going to call the police and report…
A girl reaches into the glove compartment of her boyfriends car for a condom… and finds one missing. They had bought that box together, and it was now open and missing one. Furious, she asked him what the deal was. “Oh, I masturbated with one on, just to see what it would feel like.” Satisfied…
An artist, architect, and engineer are at a bar… …talking about having a wife vs. a mistress. The artist declares that he prefers a mistress because he finds them more spontaneous and exciting. The architect says, “no, I much prefer a wife because I enjoy building that foundation with one woman and love the security…
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face. The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened… “Well, the first body is a Frenchman, 60, who died of heart failure while making love to his…
Two good friends go golfing Two good friends go golfing and they come up on two women who are moving like molasses. One guy says that he’ll go up and ask if they can play through. When he’s half way to the women, he freezes, turns around and comes back pretty pale. “Sorry man, I…