Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm are in a car They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him “Do you know how fast you were going?” “No, but I know exactly where I am” Heisenberg replies. The cop says “You were doing 55 in a 35.” Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts…
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek. Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them. Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He’s sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a…
A man goes to the doctor with terrible hemorrhoids A man goes to the doctor with terrible hemorrhoids. The doctor prescribes him suppositories to take every day then says to come back in a week. The man isn’t entirely sure what a suppository is but at the pharmacy sees they’re pills so he does as…
An Amish girl and her mother were visiting a mall and they were especially amazed by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again with a room inside. The girl asked, “Mother, what is this?” The mother, never having seen an elevator before, responded, “I have no idea.” While the girl…
An Italian, a Frenchman and an Australian are talking about how good they are are sex… The Italian says “After I finish a making the love to my a wife, she is a glowing all a over and she floats a centimeter off a da bed!” The Frenchman replies, “Oui, after I haz made de…
The rich lady comes home after a day of shopping, when she stumbles on one of her many servants in the hallway. She looks at him head to toe, and demands: – Come here. The servant, heads down, obeys. – Take off my jacket. Hands shaking, he obliges. – Now… Take off my dress. Slowly,…
Honeymoon in Australia My wife and I went on our honyemoon to Australia. Unfortunately, I had to dial the help line. “G’day this is Tim, you’ve reached the Aussie help line. How can we help ya?” I told him, “We were in the ocean and my wife was stung by a jellyfish on her lady…
A blonde woman deicdes to dye her hair brunette so people would stop calling her stupid After doing so she decides to take a stroll and reaches the home of a shepherd. **Woman**: “Good day too you, sir!” **Shepherd**: “Howdy ma’am!” **Woman**: “Say, if I can guess how many sheep you have can I get…
Took my blonde girlfriend to her first football game. I took my blonde girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward, I asked her how she liked it. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied. “Especially the tight pants and all the big hard muscles. But I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other…