Karen goes to the doctor not feeling well. Karen: Doctor, I’ve not been feeling well lately. . Doctor: I’ve looked at your lab reports and I’m afraid I have some bad news. Karen: Don’t give me this lab nonsense. I believe in homeopathic medicine, faith-based approaches and healing crystals. All my life, they have never…
Two nuns are driving down a dark, winding road in rural Romania. . . when they turn a corner to see a vampire hovering over what appears to be a body in the middle of the road. It looks up and hisses as the headlights illuminate blood-covered fangs. Sister Mary looks at Sister Elizabeth and…
Three daughters A woman is walking home with her 3 daughters. The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, “Mummy, how did I get my name?” “Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that’s why we named you Rose.” The second daughter, now…
Sam Loved Ninjas Little Sam loved ninjas. He’d think about them all day and watch ninja movies all night. He had a ninja costume, throwing stars, the whole shebang. One day he’s playing around and whacks himself in the eye with a nunchuck, he runs downstairs to his mum bawling “Mummy mummy mummy look what…
4 friends played golf into their 80s When they were in their sixties, they would finish their morning golf and decide where to have lunch. One player said, “let’s go to Hooters, they have cute waitresses and good wings.” And so they went. In their 70s, they finished their morning golf and and decided where…
There was a father who called his 5 small children together. As they sat together in a circle on the floor the dad placed a toy in the middle. He explained to them that he won this toy as a door prize and he wanted to give it to one of them. He asked them…
On Monday morning, a teacher asks his 2nd graders what they did over the weekend: Timmy goes first: “I went to the movies with my mommy and daddy”. “Great!” The teacher replies “but I want you to use big kid words. Next time, say you went to the movies with mom and dad” Next up…
The Queen of England is taking a tour of an American hospital when she spots a patient furiously masturbating through an open door. Her Majesty: “What’s going on here? This is absolutely appalling.” Nurse: “Actually, Your Highness, it’s for medicinal purposes. This patient has a very serious condition, and if he doesn’t orgasm at least…
A Mormon and an Irishman are on a plane… A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon…
My girlfriend just dumped me. She said in a teary tirade: “I can’t take your shit any more. You’re such a pedant. Everything I do is wrong. I loved you so much, but it’ll never be enough for you. I’m leaving now. Me and Gary are driving up north through the night and then you’ll…