A man with no arms and legs was sun baking on the beach. A gorgeous blonde was walking past him, stopped for a second with a tang of pity in her eyes. “Have you ever had a hug?” She asked. “No.” So with an “aww”, she gave him a big hug. Two minutes later, another…
An older woman, well past child-bearing years went to a walk-in clinic where she was seen by a young, new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the exam room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out the door, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked…
A drunk guy came for an interview at a beer company The company boss immediately disliked the guy. But since he was there, he had to conduct the interview. The boss asked his secretary to bring some beer. The drunk guy smelled it and immediately told all the ingredients! The boss winked at the secretary…
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Arlene: What in the hell is that? Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet. Arlene: Where…
A blonde got tired of blonde jokes One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, “I’ve had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know…
A blond gets on a plane She sits down in a first class seat even though she bought a ticket for coach. The flight attendants all try to tell her she needs to find her correct seat, but she refuses. Finally the pilot comes and sits down next to her and the blond moves to…
Nervous about flying I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn’t help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering. I mentioned this to a flight attendant. “I’ll take care of it,”…
An Irishman and a Mormon A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like…
A housewife tells the maid. – Callie, you are fired! – Why, Miss Lucy? – Because your work is getting worse! The little you do is very poorly done! Now, take your money and get out of here! The maid took the money, thanked the housewife and, before going out, took a 10 dollar bill…
Henry and Janet are about to get married When Henry arrives at the church, he has a big smile on his face. His best man asks him why he’s so happy, and he says “I know it’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding, but Janet came over this morning and gave me…