Found this in my timeline… I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood. So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch. I’ve planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIL in its centre. Now,the…
A little girl runs up to her grandmother, crying. “Grandma, why does everybody says I have a buttface?” Her grandma gives her a hug. “Nonsense, sweetheart. You have such beautiful cheeks and lovely eyes!” Still unconvinced, the girl runs to her mom. “Mommy, is it true? Do I have a buttface?” Her mom kisses her…
Berta and Ethel are two older ladies who were outside smoking cigarettes when it starts rain. Berta reaches into her purse and pulls out a condom with the tip cut off. She slides the condom over the cigarette and resumes smoking. “What are you doing?” asks Ethel. “Oh, this?” replies Berta, “I always carry a…
Two Italian men get on a bus. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: “Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two…
A doctor, a lawyer, and a biologist are discussing the costs and benefits of having an affair. The doctor says no one should ever have an affair. It creates too much anxiety and it’s bad for your health. The lawyer says it’s OK to have an affair as long as you don’t tell your wife….
Would you rather have a mistress or a wife? A doctor, a lawyer, and a scientist were asked if they would rather have a mistress or a wife. The doctor says I would rather have a wife so that I have someone to go home to after a long day at the hospital. The lawyer…
Two men are sitting next to each other on an airplane… One man is visibly flustered. The other man leans over and asks, “Hey, is there something wrong?” The other man replies, “Well, I’m a bit embarassed. When I was purchasing my ticket this morning, the ticket girl had the most wonderful pair of breasts….
A father buys a lie detector A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, “I did some schoolwork.” The robot slaps the son. The son says, “Ok,…
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are. The first one tells her friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him “Father.” The second Catholic women chirps, “Well, my son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, “Your Grace.”…
A Cowboy Walks Into a Saloon, Naked . . . . . . except for his boots. “Where your clothes at, Slim?” “Back at the barn. I was feeding the horses when a beautiful blonde drove up. She says, ‘I wanna show you something in the barn. Follow me.’ So I followed her. She says,…