my husband, who works in a funeral home Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where they gave him a series of tests to determine the source of the pain. My husband decided not to have me call…
A man stumbles upon a magic lamp A man stumbles upon a magic lamp and out comes a genie. The genie says, “I will grant you any three wishes you want, but whatever you wish for I will give your mother-in-law double.” The man agrees to the terms and says, “I wish for a billion…
Arthur is 75 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 15 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn’t see where it went.” His wife sympathises and…
SCHOOL JOKES,Teacher and student Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Seven.” Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Seven.” Teacher: “Let me put it to…
Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from? Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Seven.” Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Seven.”…
Naughty Professor Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell “naughty” stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day,…
Protesting dirty jokes Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell “naughty” stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following…
An old man was passing through a red light area when a prostitute sees him and says, “come lets have fun.” The man, who is in his 80s, says “i wont be able to” She says “come on, you will be able to” He says, “no no i wont be able to” She insists, “come…
Trip to Japan An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan, and he hires a hooker. The whole night the hooker keeps screaming, “Hosthimota! Hosthimota!” The man doesn’t know what the word means, but he’s positive he’s pleased the hooker to the best of his abilities, and thus assumes it’s positive. The next…
A mob dragged a man into a police station for running over 11 people, while shouting “Monster!” “Murderer!” “Killer! “. The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect. The policeman : Tell me what happened. The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I…