A politician visited a remote little rural village and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them. “We have two big needs,” said the village headman. “First, we have a hospital but no doctor.” The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while and then said: “I have sorted it out. A…
Two nuns stand by the road, holding a sign.. “The way you’ve taken is wrong, stop and turn back now, before it’s too late!” The next busy driver, who looks at the inscription, shows a sparse finger and disappears behind the curve. A second later a loud crash is heard. One of the nuns thoughtfully…
The Biggest Coward Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest coward. The first kid says,” My dad is so scared that when a lightning strikes my dad slides underneath our bed.” The second kid goes,” That’s nothing, my dad is so scared, that when mummy works night shift, my dad sleeps with…
A yacht salesman was trying to figure out his commission. He wasn’t the best at basic math, his smart phone was dead and to make matters worse, he’d lost his calculator. Frustrated with his plight, he asked his secretary. “Mrs Wilkins, if I were to offer you 23% of 3.6 million dollars in sales, what…
To the driver of the tricked out Vauxhall Astra… … who was doing about 90mph down my road with your crappy music barely audible over your Halfords bargain bin exhaust, you nearly hit my mother in law as she was out walking her dog. She’s elderly, overweight and walks with a stick. How much more…
Doctors and nurses A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter. Johnny’s mother says, “Let’s not be too harsh on them… they are bound to be curious about sex at that age.” “Curious about sex?” replies Mary’s mother. “He’s taken…
A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They were appalled at his spiky hair, pierced nose, tattoos and a bad attitude. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. “Honey,” the mother said, “he doesn’t seem very nice.” “Of course he is,” the daughter replied. “If he…
A woman sent two ties to her son in law. Some weeks later, she invited him and her daughter over for dinner and in an attempt to impress his mother-in-law, the son-in-law wore one of the ties she’d sent him. The meal was extremely tense and uncomfortable with the mother-in-law maintaining a stony silence. Finally…
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, “I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, hookers, alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying…
Upon waking, a woman said to her husband, “I just dreamt that you gave me a necklace of pearls. What do you think it means?” The man smiled and kissed his wife. “You’ll know tonight,” he whispered. That evening, the man came home with a small package which he gave to his wife. She jumped…