Three friends were hanging out one Sunday morning with massive hangovers… The first guy said, I was so wasted last night I blew chunks on my back porch. The second guy said that’s nothing, I was at a wedding last night and tried to make out with my mother-in-law! The third guy said I got…
Guy rubs genie bottle and he gives him 3 wishes but… The genie tells him there’s a catch: “anything you wish for, your mother-in-law with get double the amount and more!” Guy is fine with that. Guy:”I wish I was the richest man in the world!” Poof, mother in law becomes richest woman in the…
The whale jizz on my doorstep 5 years ago on this very night, I found a jar of whale jizz on my doorstep. It was beaten and injured, it needed my help. I nursed it back to health and raised it like my own son. Today it finally graduated from university and I was just…
A child goes up to their mom. The child looks at their mom and asks, “Mommy, why are some of your hairs gray?” A little embarrassed, the mother comes up with an explanation that would be easy for the child to understand saying, “Well, those are my sad hairs. Every time you make me feel…
A group of Soviet cosmonauts are called to the Kremlin. Upon arriving they are ushered to the Brezhnev office. – Ahem. – says Brezhnev. – Of course, you know that Americans sent their astronauts to the Moon. We, Soviet people, need to do better. So we are sending you on a mission to the Sun….
Sexual harassment The supervisor of a local firm is startled when his secretary bursts into his office to file a complaint of sexual harassment against a man working in the same department. “What on earth did he do?”, asks the boss. “It’s not what he did but what he said!”, the secretary shrieks. “He said…
An English man, Welsh man and a Indian man walk are in a maternity hospital. The doctor tells them theres been a mix up and doesn’t know who’s baby is who’s. The English man runs in and grabs the only brown baby and starts to walk out. The Indian man looks relly confused and says…
Speaking of a big fat butt! A girl takes her big fat cat to the vet. “My cat is very fat,” she says. “Alright,” says the vet. “I will look at him.” The vet picks up the cat and examines its teeth. Then she looks at its eyes. Then into its ears. Finally, she turns…
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer interviewing her asks her a few questions. What’s 2+2? She replied, “4” What’s the square root of 100? She answered, “10” Good, now who killed Abraham Lincoln? Puzzled she responds, “hmmm, I don’t know” Officer tells her to go home and think…
A blonde girl excitedly arrives home from school. “Mommy Mommy, all the other kids can only count to 4, but I counted all the way to 10! Is it because I’m blonde Mommy?” “Yes dear, it’s because you’re blonde.” The girl returns home the following day even more ecstatic. “Mommy mommy! When we dressed for…