A man goes to the doctor with terrible hemorrhoids A man goes to the doctor with terrible hemorrhoids. The doctor prescribes him suppositories to take every day then says to come back in a week. The man isn’t entirely sure what a suppository is but at the pharmacy sees they’re pills so he does as…
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek. Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them. Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He’s sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a…
Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm are in a car They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him “Do you know how fast you were going?” “No, but I know exactly where I am” Heisenberg replies. The cop says “You were doing 55 in a 35.” Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts…
My girlfriend just dumped me. She said in a teary tirade: “I can’t take your shit any more. You’re such a pedant. Everything I do is wrong. I loved you so much, but it’ll never be enough for you. I’m leaving now. Me and Gary are driving up north through the night and then you’ll…
My wife and I wanted the sex of our baby to be a secret. She and I were sure the baby would be a girl, with four names, and we picked Alyssa Cassidy Shea Smith to be her name.. but there was always that doubt in the back of our minds. The delivery day came…
Pit Bull at the Funeral A guy is walking down the street and sees a massive funeral procession. At the front of the line is a man with a pit bull, then 2 coffins, followed by 200 people. Curious, he asks the man what happened. “Well,” says the man, “My pitbull killed my wife last…
A groom breaks tradition by taking a quiet moment with his bride before their wedding… He can barely get one word in before she drops to her knees and gives him the best blowjob he’s ever had. Later, beaming, as he takes his place at the altar, his best man asks him why he’s so…
Henry and Janet are about to get married When Henry arrives at the church, he has a big smile on his face. His best man asks him why he’s so happy, and he says “I know it’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding, but Janet came over this morning and gave me…
Nervous about flying I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn’t help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering. I mentioned this to a flight attendant. “I’ll take care of it,”…
A blond gets on a plane She sits down in a first class seat even though she bought a ticket for coach. The flight attendants all try to tell her she needs to find her correct seat, but she refuses. Finally the pilot comes and sits down next to her and the blond moves to…