The Morning Commute (Adapted Chinese Joke) Two guys carpooling to work approach a stop light while a hot, young girl driving a Porsche pulls up next to them. The passenger says to the driver, “I bet she’s the Mistress. At least she doesn’t have to work.” The woman overhearing the passenger screams back, “Asshole! If…
Having puppies **Three dogs are at the vet’s. Talking dog talk.** Rover, “Why are you guys here?” Sparky, “I been peeing all over the house. I’m going to get my nuts cut off.” Ruff. Barky, “I growl at everything. I’m going to get my nuts cut off. Ruff. How about you Rover?” Rover, “Well, my…
A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, “I want to be gorgeous.” God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want…
Pharmacy The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what? s up. “He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn’t find the cough syrup,” the clerk explains. “So I gave him a laxative and told him to…
A guy falls in love with a very traditional girl.. A guy falls in love with a very traditional and conservative girl, that means no sex before marriage. But he doesn’t care, he loves her. After a year or two of dating he decides its time to propose. So he heads to her fathers house…
Mom are you okay. About a year ago, my daughter went on a blind date and was really nervous. She worried he’d look nothing like his photos. Her neighbor Janet said, “Relax, there’s an app for that. It’s called ‘Mom, Are You OK?’ If the date is bad, you pretend it’s an emergency call and…
A young class were enjoying the first day of first grade. The teacher said: “Now that we’re all grown up, we aren’t going to use baby talk any more. Instead we’re going to use grown-up words. Now who would like to start by telling us about what they did in summer vacation?” A little girl…
A teacher asks her class “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to…
A teacher asks her class to use the word “contagious”. Roland, the teacher’s pet, gets up and says, “Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious.” “Well done, Roland,” says the teacher. “Can anyone else try?” Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, “My grandma says there’s a bug…
The Bathtub Test During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “Well” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty…