One day, 3 men died and went to heaven “Religion?” God’s secretary asked the first man. “Jewish,” the man replied. “Okay, go to room 23, but be very quiet when you go past room 8,” the secretary said. “Religion?” he asked the second man. “Muslim.” “Go to room 10, but be very quiet when you…
A Kung Fu student asks his teacher “Master, why does my ability not improve? I’m always defeated.” And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers: “My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun, and their wings seeming like flames?” “Yes, my master, I have.” “And a waterfall, spilling mightly over…
Dirty jokes A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face. His best man asks, “Why do you look so excited?” The groom replies, “I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me.”…
Marriage joke A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face. His best man asks, “Why do you look so excited?” The groom replies, “I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me.”…
So a cardiologist in a small town died He was very well loved in the town, and every other doctor in the area came to his funeral. At the end they lowered him into the ground in a wondrous mahogany casket, shaped like a heart, lined with red velvet. It was a beautiful affair, but…
A new hot secretary joined a company… Two guys of this company start to speak about her: “Holy molly she is so hot, we should really try to sleep with her” So they start flirting with her. One week later, the first one manages to sleep with her. His friend asks him “So, how was…
Hitler, Mussolini and Stalin are all sitting in a restaurant discussing their plans for World War 3. A waitress approaches the table and listens to their talk. Hitler opens by saying: “Okay guys, I’ve got a great idea. I already talked to Stalin about it, but I figure I should get your input. He didn’t…
Two nuns are painting an office at the rectory on a hot summer day. Two nuns are painting an office at the rectory on a hot summer day. One says to the other, we should take off our habits so as to not get paint on them. So both nuns are painting the room in…
This was Actually Said.. This was actually said in court and taken from a transcript: Lawyer: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?” Witness: “No.” Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?” Witness: “No.” Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?” Witness: “No.” Lawyer: “So, then it is possible that the…
The first Jewish President of the United States is elected. The night before the inauguration he calls his mother. “Mom, I’d love for you to come visit and stay with me during the inauguration and for a few days.” “Oh I don’t know, airfare is so expensive these days.” “Mom, I’ll fly you out on…