A guy goes in for a doctor’s visit. The doctor says, “What seems to be the problem?” And the guy says, “Every morning, I wake up at 5:00, roll over, and have sex with my wife. Then I shower and shave, and we have sex again on the breakfast table. “Then my ride-sharing partner blows…
A manager hired a new secretary and she was young, sweet and polite… One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. While leaving the room, she courteously said, “Oh, sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?” He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look…
A woman heavily pregnant with twins gets shot twice in the stomach… The woman survives and so do the babies, she eventually gives birth to a boy and a girl. many years later the girl came running up to her mum “Mummy mummy, I was having a wee and a bullet came out” the mum…
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt. i’ll explain later.” The nun agreed… A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, “Sister, have you seen a soldier?” The nun replied, “He went that way.” After the MPs ran off, the soldier…
Two old ladies were outside smoking one day when it started to rain… One of the ladies took out a condom, cut off the tip and put it over her cigarette. The other lady said, “Hey, that’s a good idea. What’s that called?” The lady responded, “It’s a condom.” The other lady said, “Where can…
So I picked up this girl the other day….. and she took me back to her house where things got hot and heavy very quickly. I bent her over the kitchen table and started going at it when suddenly we heard the front door open. “Oh shit , it’s my boyfriend ! ” she exclaimed…
I went to get a haircut the other day, and the barber kept asking me the same question over and over. As he’s cutting my hair, he says, “So, how’s your mother-in-law doing?” I shrugged and said, “She’s fine.” Five minutes later, he asks again, “So, how’s your mother-in-law?” Now I’m getting annoyed, but I…
Daddy shark is teaching baby shark how to hunt Daddy Shark: So, after you reach the shore, you pick your prey. They’re usually the ones swimming close to the beach in colorful swimwears. Baby Shark: Got it! Then I jump them? Daddy Shark: Not so fast, son. First, you swim up so your fin sticks…
General Secretary Khrushchev and President Nixon met and started boasting about the greatness of their countries. Nixon said: “American medicine is so advanced that we have a pill which can bring the dead back to life.” Khrushchev replied: “Soviet sports are so advanced that a man can run from Moscow to Washington in a single…
A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector phoned his client…… He said, “Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.” The art collector replied, “I’ve had an awful day, let’s hear the good news first.” The lawyer said, “Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me…