A priest is sitting next to a drunk on a bus On a bus, a Christian priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read the newspaper. Suddenly, in a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest: “Do you know what arthritis is?” The priest thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the…
A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the clerk…
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, “About 2 hours.” The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, “How long before I can get…
Donald Trump and his chauffeur are driving on a country road. Suddenly, a pig runs in front of the car. The chauffeur has no time to react, so he runs over the animal, killing it instantly. They get out of the vehicle, look around and spot a small farm in the distance. Trump says: The…
A guy got chatting to a girl in a club. “Can I buy you a drink?” he asked….. “Have you not got a girlfriend?” she replied, “Guys like you always have girlfriends.” He looked downcast, “No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago.” “Oh I’m sorry to hear that,” she said, “Go on…
SCHOOL JOKES,Teacher and student Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Seven.” Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Seven.” Teacher: “Let me put it to…
Arthur is 75 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 15 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn’t see where it went.” His wife sympathises and…
A man stumbles upon a magic lamp A man stumbles upon a magic lamp and out comes a genie. The genie says, “I will grant you any three wishes you want, but whatever you wish for I will give your mother-in-law double.” The man agrees to the terms and says, “I wish for a billion…
my husband, who works in a funeral home Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where they gave him a series of tests to determine the source of the pain. My husband decided not to have me call…
The teacher fell asleep in class and a little naughty boy walked up to him… Little boy: “Teacher are you … sleeping in class?” Teacher : “No I am not sleeping in class.” Little boy : “What were you doing sir ?” Teacher : ” I was talking to God.” The next day the naughty…