There were 2 blondes… So I was sat on my porch one day and I saw 2 blondes working hard at the end of the street. One was digging a hole and the other would fill it in immediately after the first was done. This went on for about 2 hours until I walked over…
Two bored male casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blond woman arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of the dice She says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” With that, she strips down, rolls the dice, and yells, “Come on,…
Slow down love 2 pilots are about to touchdown at the Melbourne Airport. They start talking about what they are going to do after they land not knowing that they left the microphone on for everyone to hear. one of them says im gonna have a beer, take a shit and bang one of the…
An underage weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’m sorry. I can’t serve underage weasels.” The weasel says, “That’s fine. I don’t need something alcoholic. What else do you have?” The bartender says “Oh, we have lots! We have water, pop, tea, coffee, smoothies. What would you like?” “Pop,” goes the weasel. Edit:…
The first Jewish President of the United States is elected. The night before the inauguration he calls his mother. “Mom, I’d love for you to come visit and stay with me during the inauguration and for a few days.” “Oh I don’t know, airfare is so expensive these days.” “Mom, I’ll fly you out on…
This was Actually Said.. This was actually said in court and taken from a transcript: Lawyer: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?” Witness: “No.” Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?” Witness: “No.” Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?” Witness: “No.” Lawyer: “So, then it is possible that the…
Two nuns are painting an office at the rectory on a hot summer day. Two nuns are painting an office at the rectory on a hot summer day. One says to the other, we should take off our habits so as to not get paint on them. So both nuns are painting the room in…
Hitler, Mussolini and Stalin are all sitting in a restaurant discussing their plans for World War 3. A waitress approaches the table and listens to their talk. Hitler opens by saying: “Okay guys, I’ve got a great idea. I already talked to Stalin about it, but I figure I should get your input. He didn’t…
A new hot secretary joined a company… Two guys of this company start to speak about her: “Holy molly she is so hot, we should really try to sleep with her” So they start flirting with her. One week later, the first one manages to sleep with her. His friend asks him “So, how was…
Little Johnny has questions for his mother. The first thing he asks is, “How old are you?” His mother says, “It’s impolite to ask a lady how old she is.” He then asks, “How much do you weigh?” to which she says, “Johnny, that’s impolite too!” He asks, “Why did Dad leave?” His mother sighs,…