An old Jew is on his deathbed. A 90 year-old Jew is on his deathbed. Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers: “Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?” And Sarah says, “Yes, I am here.” He then says: “Are my children — my wonderful children — are they…
An old Jew on his deathbed A 90 year-old Jew is on his deathbed. Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers: “Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?” And Sarah says, “Yes, I am here.” He then says: “Are my children — my wonderful children — are they here…
A prostitution ring gets busted one afternoon. As all of the girls were lined up outside the police station to get booked, one of the girls noticed her grandma walking by, who came up to her and said, “Why Hello?! What are you waiting in line for dear?” The prostitute, embarrassed, lies and says she’s…
A woman walks into an accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?” The woman replies, “I’m a whore.” The accountant balks…
A duck walks into a store… He shouts at the proprietor, “Hey! Got any duck food?” The store proprietor answers, “No, we don’t.” The next day, the duck returns, and asks, “Hey! Got any duck food?” The store proprietor says, “I told you yesterday, we don’t have any duck food. Now please leave.” The next…
Cough medicine. A pharmacist is about to take a lunch break and he says to his assistant, “I’ll be back in an hour, keep an eye on things”. Upon his return, he notices a man outside the pharmacy, standing against the wall, clutching his abdomen, obviously in some pretty serious discomfort. He continues into the…
Fast learning Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter. The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, – “Son, how old are you?” – “Eight”, the boy replied. The man continued, – “Do you know what these are used for?”…
A married couple is driving… down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him. “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 15 years, but I want a divorce.” The husband says nothing, but slowly turns up to speed to 60 mph. “I don’t want you to…
A young newlywed couple were too poor to go on a honeymoon. The husband came up with an idea: every time they had sex, they would each put a dollar into a piggy bank. When they reached their first anniversary, they would open the bank and use the money it contained for their honeymoon. All…
Lost my job on the first day Started my new job at a hardware store today. Lasted less than a day. About two hours in, this fat, ugly woman covered in tattoos and piercings storms in with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them the whole way through the entrance. She was loud enough to…