I took my wife on our honyemoon to Australia.. Unfortunately, I had to dial the help line. “G’day this is Tim, you’ve reached the Aussie help line. How can we help ya?” I told him, “We were in the ocean and my wife was stung by a jellyfish on her lady parts. Her vagina is…
A man and his wife go back to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?” The husband replied, “All I wanted to…
My step-sister walked into my room one day and My step-sister walked into my room one day and she says, “Hey, big brother… take off my shirt.” So I took off her shirt. Then she says, “Take off my skirt…” So I took off her skirt. Then she says, “Take off my bra and panties…”…
My attempt at a sexy math joke A sine wave and a cosine wave are trying to have a baby. They are deeply religious so the only position they are able to do is missionary. After many attempts they think they might have conceived a child. The cosine wave grabs a pregnancy test, goes into…
The Subway is full of people and a woman with six children asks one guy politely… “excuse me, sir” – The woman asks politely to the man sitting next to her -“Could you please close your legs so we can have more space?” -Then the man looks at her with disgust while the woman is…
I was playing golf last weekend There were two women ahead of us playing very slowly. After 5 holes, I’d had enough, and went ahead to ask if we could play through. I soon came back with a look of terror on my face, and said it was my wife and my mistress and there…
A woman goes into a pharmacy and asks for cyanide… A woman goes into a pharmacy and asks for cyanide. The pharmacist is shocked and said “what do you need cyanide for?” “I plan to poison my husband”, she tells him. “I’m sorry, but there’s absolutely no way I can give you cyanide for that”…
A man walks into a brain store to buy a new brain He goes to the clerk and says “Hello, I’d like to purchase a new brain”. The clerk replies with “Sure, here are some of our brains we have on sale” “Here’s the brain of a physicist, 5 dollars.” “Here’s our second deal for…
A dumb kid walks into an ice cream shop… Kid: “I’ll have a scoop of vanilla and a scoop of chocolate please.” Clerk: “Sorry kid, we’re out of chocolate.” Kid: “OK. Make it a scoop of strawberry and a scoop of chocolate.” Clerk: “No, no, you don’t understand, it’s *chocolate* we’re out of,” Kid: “Ah,…
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?” The husband replied, “All I wanted to do…