Airline pilot… An airline pilot makes the usual announcements over the cabin PA system as the plane reaches cruising altitude. He then sets the plane on autopilot and turns to the co-pilot and jokes- “All I need now is a cup of coffee and a blow job.” Unbeknownst to the captain, the mic is still…
Jesus is down by the gates to Heaven When an old man approaches. “Well, what have you done to deserve entry to Heaven?” Asks St Peter. “To be honest.” replies the man, “I am merely a simple carpenter. It was my son who was truly great. Although he wasn’t my biological son… his birth was…
I took a taxi the other night A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and then topped it off with a margarita. Not a good idea. Knowing full well I was at least slightly over the limit, I did something…
Really drunk people? 3 men entered a taxi. The taxi driver could tell that they were drunk so he started the engine and turned it off. He then proceeded to tell them that they had reached their destination. The first guy gave him the money and the second guy thanked the taxi driver. The third…
Still a virgin,,, A couple got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love making, the wife tells the husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” The husband being shocked, replied, “How’s this possible? You’ve been married three times before.” The wife responds, “Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and…
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary… … all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. “First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the Coroner. “Second body: Scotsman, 25, won…
2 Italian men So 2 Italian men walk into a bus after it stops. They sit behind a lady who trys not to listen to their conversation but is curious. One says “Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses dey come together. Den I come again. Two asses they come together againa. Then I…
Prince Charles decided to take up walking and everyday, at the same street corner, he would pass a hooker. He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow. “One hundred and fifty pounds!” she’d shout. “No! Five pounds!” he said from the side of his mouth, just to…
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, “Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?” “None,” replied Johnny, “cause the rest would fly away.” “Well, the answer is four,” said…
Human Trafficking The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple onboard, so she reports it to the Captain immediately. “Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, graceful and rich looking female passenger onboard. She looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat, old,…