11 yr old nephew told me this. A bus full of 50 ugly people crashed and everyone died and went to heaven. Saint Peter decided that since their deaths were so violent, he would grant them all one wish before going to heaven. The first person wished to finally be attractive, and the last person…
A woman was having an affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. “Quick,” said the woman to the lover, “into the closet!” and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after…
Patriotism A nurse was taking care of a soldier in the Army Hospital. “How I wish I could kiss the American flag before I die,” the soldier said. The nurse was extremely touched by the soldier’s patriotism and said, “I have a tattoo of the American flag on my bottom. You may kiss it if…
An attractive woman is in bed with her secret lover. She hears her husband come home unexpectedly and tells her naked lover to jump into the wardrobe and hides his clothes. The husband walks into the bedroom to find his wife reading. “Hello honey, I got off work early and went to the gym, I…
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. He took out a business card, wrote ‘Revelation 3:20’ on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the…
A blonde takes a taxi to the airport While stuck in traffic, the driver offers the blonde a riddle to help pass the time. He says: “Who is my mother’s child and my father’s child, but is neither my brother nor my sister?” The blonde replies “I don’t know, who?” The driver says “Me!” They…
taxi A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped inches from a shop window. For a second, everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look friend, don’t…
Girls night out!!! Having Spent all their Taxi Fair for the last round, walking home after a girls’ night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee. The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so…
Former British Prime Minister Winston Churchill once said that he went to the BBC office for an interview by taxi. When he arrived, he asked the driver to wait for about forty minutes until he came back. But the driver apologized and said he couldn’t wait because he needed to get home to listen to…
Two men are golfing on a sunday (Not sure if this joke has circulated this subreddit before, but I suppose this community isn’t unfamiliar to reposts) Two men are golfing on a random sunday. Golfer 1 is about to hit the ball when he notices a funeral procession on the other side of the street….