One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word ‘beautiful’ in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, ‘My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.’ ‘Very good, Suzie,’ replied…
Where do babies come from? A little girl asks her dad “Where do babies come from?” and the dad explains to her “Well, babies are made when two people love each other and then the daddy puts his penis in the mummy’s vagina.” The little girl then asks “If that is where babies com from…
My daughter came up to me and said My daughter came up to me and said “daddy when my cat died why were its legs in the air?” I replied “well that’s so Jesus can grab it to take it to heaven.” “That means mummy nearly died this morning!” She said, I asked “how?” “well…
Two American tourists were driving through Nova Scotia. Two American tourists were driving through Nova Scotia. As they were approaching Shubenacadde (shoe-been-ack-id-dee), they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town’s name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, “Before…
There are some eerie similarities between the assassinations of President Lincoln and Kennedy… Lincoln was elected into Congress in 1846. JFK was elected into Congress in 1946. Lincoln was elected President in 1860. JFK was elected President in 1960. Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy. Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln. A week before he…
the pope’s secretary rings him: “your eminence, excuse me for bothering you, but i have some good news & some bad news to share. which one would you like to hear first?” the pope answers “well let’s have the good news first” “jesus has returned & he’s holding for you on line 1.” the pope…
A girl is at the circus… … and she sees an elephant. She asks her mom “What’s that between the elephant’s legs?” Her mom is embarrassed and says “That’s nothing, dear.” Unsatisfied with this answer, she turns to her dad and asks “Daddy, what’s that between the elephant’s legs?” Her dad is straightforward and says…
A man takes his wife to get tested Several days go by, and he receives a call from the doctor. The doctor tells him, “Due to an unfortunate mixup with the lab, we are not sure of your wife has Covid-19 or Alzheimer’ The man, clearly frustrated, asks, “Well what am I supposed to do…
A man notices his wife’s butt is getting big… “I bet your butt is as big as my grill.” His wife rolls her eyes, but he gets a tape measure, measures her bottom, measures the grill, and teases her that they’re about the same size. That night, he tries to see if he can get…
A teacher asks her class to use ‘contagious’ in a sentence A teacher asks her class to use the word ‘contagious’ in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, “Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious.” “Very good,” says the teacher. “Would anyone else like…