Heisenberg, Schroedinger and Ohm are in a car… … And they get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him “Do you know how fast you were going?” “No, but I know exactly where I am” Heisenberg replies. The cop says “You were doing 55 in a 35.” Heisenberg throws up his hands…
I haven’t had sex since 1956 A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman. The general replied “1956, ma’am.” The woman, in disbelief said “1956?! That long? Come with me and let me make your night better.” The woman and general went back to her apartment…
A man dies and he’s able to be in heaven and in hell for 1 day so he could choose which he likes best. And heaven was boring as fuck and hell was a 24/7 hookers and blow non stop party. So the next day he goes back to st Peter? And says, “nah.. I’m…
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the…
Everyone asked a 100-year-old man and his 98-year-old wife for their health secrets. The old man said “I’ll tell you my secret. I’ve been married for 75 years. I promised my wife when we got married that when we quarrel, the loser has to walk for 5 kilometres. So I’ve been walking 5 kilometres every…
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they’d found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down….
4 friends played golf into their 80s When they were in their sixties, they would finish their morning golf and decide where to have lunch. One player said, “let’s go to Hooters, they have cute waitresses and good wings.” And so they went. In their 70s, they finished their morning golf and and decided where…
Sam Loved Ninjas Little Sam loved ninjas. He’d think about them all day and watch ninja movies all night. He had a ninja costume, throwing stars, the whole shebang. One day he’s playing around and whacks himself in the eye with a nunchuck, he runs downstairs to his mum bawling “Mummy mummy mummy look what…
Two nuns are driving down a dark, winding road in rural Romania. . . when they turn a corner to see a vampire hovering over what appears to be a body in the middle of the road. It looks up and hisses as the headlights illuminate blood-covered fangs. Sister Mary looks at Sister Elizabeth and…
Karen goes to the doctor not feeling well. Karen: Doctor, I’ve not been feeling well lately. . Doctor: I’ve looked at your lab reports and I’m afraid I have some bad news. Karen: Don’t give me this lab nonsense. I believe in homeopathic medicine, faith-based approaches and healing crystals. All my life, they have never…