A blonde woman visits her husband in prison. Before leaving, she tells a correction officer: “You shouldn’t make my husband work like that. He’s exhausted!” The officer laughs and says, “Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell!” The wife replies: “Bullsht! He just told me he’s been digging a…
My five year old son was playing in the garden… When he sees 2 spiders. He asks me, “Is that a mummy longlegs under that daddy longlegs?” No son, there is no mummy longlegs only daddy longlegs.” I felt pretty proud of my answer, until he stomps on both spiders saying, “We’ll have none of…
A traveling salesman goes into a fairly grungy diner. The waitress comes over, and she doesn’t look too great herself. Deciding not to take any chances, the salesman orders two hamburgers and a hot dog. The waitress comes over a few minutes later with the hamburgers under her arms. The salesman says, “Why are the…
My young daughter asked me this morning…. My young daughter asked me this morning, “Daddy, what were you and Mummy doing in the bedroom last night? I could hear a buzzing noise, then Mummy started to scream.” “Nothing, darling,” I replied. It was then I burst out laughing as my wife walked down the stairs…
An old lady goes to the doctor and says ‘doc, I can’t stop farting. They’re silent with no smell, but I’ve let out 20 in the past 5 minutes sitting here’ The doc gives her some pills and tells her to come back next week. The next week the old lady comes back and says…
A husband and wife are discussing how to . . . stretch their money while the husband, who was recently laid off, looks for new work. “You know, honey, if you learned how to cook, we could fire the maid” the husband says to the wife. The wife retorts, “You know, honey, if you learned…
A devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a…
Guy goes into a bar A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve beers and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, “Dang, why are you drinking so fast?” The guy says, “You would be drinking fast if you had what I had.” The bartender says, “What do you have?” The…
My mother used to tell me this joke time and again when I was a child. A mosquito got old enough to fly on his own, when he came back his mother was happily waiting for him. -“How was your first flight, my dear?” The mother asked. -“Amazing.” He answered “Everyone thought I was doing…
Two men at an airport First man says, “I can’t find my wife.” Second man says, “I can’t find mine either, what does yours look like?” First man ” Six foot tall, blonde, big tits, mini skirt, high heels and a boob tube, whats yours look like?” Second man says, “Fuck her, we’ll look for…