A CEO went to see his lawyer and was greeted with the following comment: “I have some good news and some bad news for you.” “OK, I’ve had an awful day, so let’s hear the good news first,” the man replied. “Your wife invested $5,000 in two pictures that are now worth a minimum of…
The farmer’s wife died. He called the newspaper in town to check the cost of getting an obituary printed – “£20 per word” they told him. There was a long pause and then he said – “okay, write: WIFE DEAD”. The newspaper secretary understood the dilemma and said “look, you can do better than that,…
My Lawyer said to me… “I have some good news and I have some bad news.” “I’ve had an awful day, let’s hear the good news first,” I said. My lawyer said: “Your wife invested $5,000 in 2 pictures today that she figured were worth a minimum of $5 million!!!” “Well done, very good news…
New secretary Frank and Harry have been business partners for many years. They had just employed a new secretary and Frank had taken her out. “How was it?” inquired Harry. “Fantastic! And i don’t mind saying, that she’s far better in the cot than my wife.” A couple of weeks later, Harry took the secretary…
A Soviet and an American are talking The American says, “I am able to March into DC, march into the oval office, and say. Mr Reagan, I don’t like how you’re running this country.” The Russian scoffs and says, “I can do the same, I can march into Moscow, go to the Kremlin, go to…
Millionaire The teacher stood in front of the class. “Take a pencil and paper,” she said, “and write an essay with the title ‘If I Were a Millionaire.’” Every student in the class began to write furiously. Everyone but Philip, who leaned back in his seat with his arms folded. “What’s the matter,” the teacher…
A young executive is leaving the office late one evening, when he finds the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. “Listen,” says the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing…
Infidelity The secretary of a high-priced lawyer announced to him the arrival of a new client- a gorgeous young woman. The woman was seated and said, ‘I want a divorce.” “On what grounds,” asked the lawyer. “Infidelity, I don’t think my husband has been faithful to me.” “What makes you think that.” “Well, I don’t…
During a quiet moment at a White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Tillerson. “I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!” “Wow, that’s impressive,” said Tillerson, “but, you do realize he…
A little help with your math A businessman is getting a 17% discount on an order worth $20,000.00, but can’t figure out the total in his head. He asks his secretary, “Betty, if I were to give you twenty thousand dollars with a 17% discount, how much would you take off?” She thinks for a…