Good Mother in Law A daughter was talking to her mom about married life, she told her mom that she wanted to divorce her husband because he liked anal sex. She told her mom that when she married her husband her asshole was the size of a dime and now it was the size of…
“What would you like?” asks the bartender. “What would I like?!” replies Bob. “A bigger house, more money and a more attractive wife!” “No, no!” says the bartender patiently. “I meant, what do you want?” “To win the lottery, for my mother-in-law to die and for my child to be born healthy!” “What’s it to…
A wake for my mother-in-law Two rural gentlemen were chatting. One says, “Say, I noticed a lot of cars at your house on Saturday night. Were you having a party or something?” “No,” responds the second man. “Tragically last week one of my mules kicked my mother in law in the head, and she died…
Pit Bull at the Funeral A guy is walking down the street and sees a massive funeral procession. At the front of the line is a man with a pit bull, then 2 coffins, followed by 200 people. Curious, he asks the man what happened. “Well,” says the man, “My pitbull killed my wife last…
An armed masked man bursts into a bank yelling “EVERYBODY PUT YOUR HANDS UP, THIS IS A ROBBERY!” The patrons and staff, terrified, comply. He’s loading up his sack with cash when his mask slips off. He quickly pulls it back up and sees two guys who may have seen his face. He points his…
[old joke] A navy officer sent a letter to his wife that he would be arriving a week earlier.. When he arrives,he finds his wife in bed with another man. Disgusted, he goes to the navy base and stays in the lodge contemplating what to do next. The next day, he receives a call from…
A man and his wife are on a cruise The ship capsizes but the man manages to get onto a lifeboat in time. However he notices that his wife is missing. Distraught he shouts. -A 100$ to the man that can save my wife! Upon hearing this several men jump into the water to rescue…
Mr. Smith is on vacation with his wife and mother-in-law in Jerusalem One day, his mother-in-law dies quite suddenly. An undertaker proposes to bury the deceased there in Jerusalem. ‘No, thank you,’ says Mr. Smith. ‘I’d rather have the body shipped back to New York.’ ‘But why not?’ asks the undertaker. ‘Shipping a body is…
Three friends were hanging out one Sunday morning with massive hangovers… The first guy said, I was so wasted last night I blew chunks on my back porch. The second guy said that’s nothing, I was at a wedding last night and tried to make out with my mother-in-law! The third guy said I got…
Guy rubs genie bottle and he gives him 3 wishes but… The genie tells him there’s a catch: “anything you wish for, your mother-in-law with get double the amount and more!” Guy is fine with that. Guy:”I wish I was the richest man in the world!” Poof, mother in law becomes richest woman in the…